“I am the Jesus Christ of politics.”

Part two of a list of ten turd-politicians who are more embarrassing than Rob Ford. Enjoy, my friends (:

5. Anthony Weiner

This guy must hate himself. He resigned from Congress in 2011 after it was discovered that he had sent sexually graphic photos of  himself to various women over Twitter; the scandal was dubbed Weinergate. Then as a candidate for New York City mayor this past summer, it was revealed that Weiner had sexted since his resignation from Congress.

Of this latest setback, he remarked, “I’m not an idiot, I know it succeeded in derailing my campaign.” I agree with one half of that statement.

4. Marion Barry

After years of allegations of drug use, this former mayor of Washington D.C. was caught on tape smoking crack offered to him by an ex-mistress who was cooperating with the FBI. I feel a little bad about this one, as it did on some level seem like a concerted entrapment effort on the part of the FBI. But still. No one is that easily lured into casually smoking crack unless they have experience with it. This guy’s the original Rob Ford–just don’t tell him that because he has a bit of a temper.

For example, he had this to say about the woman who led the FBI to him: “Bitch set me up…goddamn bitch.” Indeed.

Fox News

3. Sarah Palin

While George W. Bush may be inarticulate at times, at least he’s not batshit crazy like fellow Republican Sarah Palin. Palin is known for her outspoken nature and Tea Party ideology, which tend to combine badly. On whether to intervene in Syria, Palin proclaimed, “let Allah sort it out.” Simple. And how should we proceed if tensions heat up again between North and South Korea? “Obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” Obviously. Someone invite Dennis Rodman too.

Apart from being a foreign policy buff, she is also proud parent to teen mom and reality television star Bristol Palin. Bristol seems to have inherited mom’s no-nonsense attitude. She posted this picture in her blog with the caption “Good Riddance:”

Sigh. I won’t even bother to point out the irony.

image: Huffington Post

2. Bob Filner

I remember the week this story broke Rob Ford decided to roll into Taste of Danforth all intoxicated. It almost seemed like Ford missed the attention. But the attention paid to this former mayor of San Diego was completely warranted: eighteen staff members have accused him of sexual harrassment. Filner has since shown varying degrees of remorse, at one point suggesting the city should pay for his legal defense and at another affirming that “it’s a good thing that behavior that would have been tolerated in the past is being called out in this generation for what it is: Inappropriate and wrong.” I’m detecting a distinct “I miss the good old days” undertone on that, Filner.

Nearly two months after the allegations first surfaced, this cad finally stepped down, but not before portraying himself as a mistreated martyr:

In a lynch mob mentality, rumors become allegations, allegations become facts, facts become evidence of sexual harassment which have led to demands for my resignation and recall,” he said. Poor guy.

image: Andrew Medichini/AP/dapd

1. Silvio Berlusconi

And speaking of martyrs, here’s Italy’s own Jesus Christ. Well, not so much. Former Italian PM Berlusconi has been charged with everything from tax fraud to paying for sex with a minor. He went the extra mile when he intervened on said minor’s behalf after she was arrested for theft, telling police that she was the granddaughter of former Egyptian leader Mubarak. He did it to prevent a diplomatic incident, of course.

One of the most cringe-worthy scenes from the Berlusconi Saga occurred when some genius invited him to speak at a Holocaust memorial event in January. Berlusconi took this to mean “say whatever pops into your head as long as it has to do with the Holocaust.” What popped into his head?

“It is difficult now to put oneself in the shoes of who was making decisions back then,” Berlusconi said of Mussolini’s support for Hitler. “Certainly the (Italian) government then, fearing that German power would turn into a general victory, preferred to be allied with Hitler’s Germany rather than oppose it.”

Berlusconi added that “within this alliance came the imposition of the fight against, and extermination of, the Jews. Thus, the racial laws are the worst fault of Mussolini, who, in so many other aspects, did good.”

Oh just the racial laws? Well that’s not really a big deal then.

He’s also famous for nodding off during important events, most notably at a meeting with European leaders who were attempting to stop his country’s economy from collapsing.

Sadly, this visionary has been forced to leave politics after being convicted of any number of crimes of which he’s already been convicted but nobody cared at the time and now they do. How does he sum up his legacy? In addition to naming himself the best leader in the world, he had this to say:

I am the Jesus Christ of politics. I sacrifice myself for everyone.”

We’ll have take your word on that one.

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