“Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter”

There has been a lot of talk lately about how Rob Ford is an embarrassment not only to Torontonians, but to all Canadians. I don’t deny that he’s a messy dude, but these woeful laments make me wonder whether most people live in a different world than I do. Don’t they know that our world always has been and always will be crawling with disastrous and idiotic politicians? The rest of the world is looking at us now and saying, “Ah, Canada, I see you’ve finally decided to join us. Welcome.”

Just in case there’s someone out there who doesn’t believe me, I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of ten turds chosen by the people who are much more embarrassing than Mayor Ford. This is part one in a delightful two part series. For your information and my amusement.

Don’t worry guy, you’re not missing anything important

10. Rob Anders

So technically this is when Canada joined the rest of the world in electing fools. At least when Rob Ford shows up for work, he’s awake! Yay Alberta ❤

This winner used to work as a heckler for the Republican party (yes–that’s apparently a thing) and now passes his time snoozing in Parliament, calling Nelson Mandela a communist and terrorist, and accusing Thomas Mulcair of murdering Jack Layton.

9. Vladimir Zhirinovsky

Elected on a promise of free vodka and better women’s underwear, this Russian politician is known for his intense outbursts and propensity for violence. He has predicted that the royal baby will “suck the blood” of Russians, and made a shocking drunken statement in 2002 about Condoleezza Rice, calling her a black whore who needs Russian sperm. When asked if his wife is happy with him, he responded matter-of-factly: “Of course not. How could she be happy? I ignore her.” Duh. Oh and he has been known to spit and throw water bottles at opponents in Parliament.

And these are just the highlights. Check out this Vice article for more.

8. George W. Bush

This one is pretty easy, but fun nonetheless. In the course of getting the US into a few horrific wars and botching the response to Hurricane Katrina, Dubya left us with a plethora of delightful little gems, such as: “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

In the realm of foreign policy, he once gave German Chancellor Angela Merkel a nice little shoulder massage, and giggled in response to every question posed to him in Spanish by a Mexican politician, despite his alleged fluency in the language. To his credit, he did launch a revolutionary initiative that was key in the global fight against AIDS. But he also said this:

“Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.” (Spoken to French President Sarkozy and British PM Brown at the end of his last G-8 summit. Accompanied by an air-punch. Amurrrica!)

7. C C Patil and Lakshman Savadi

These two go-getters were caught watching porn on the floor of India’s Karnataka Assembly. But maybe they were just doing research: one was minister of cooperation, while the other was in charge of the women and child development portfolio. Gross.

6. Nicolas Maduro

Yeah I know I just did an article on him. But he is a straight up train wreck. He claimed that late former President Hugo Chavez appeared to him various times in the form of a little bird and that his opponent Henrique Capriles is a “little princess.” But that’s OK, because Maduro is a man with a plan. When he found out about Capriles’ plot to destabilize Venezuela by bringing in Colombian mercenaries, he had this to say: “The first thing we have to do is shoot [Capriles] legally, make him resign his office, and take him prisoner.” Sounds logical to me.

He claimed  his most recent gaffe was an intentional stunt to publicize a recent good deed of his government, lamenting that “if they hide things due to hatred of the fatherland, I’m obliged to find other ways.” Your guess is as good as mine as to who “they” are–especially since Maduro’s party controls the majority of Venezuelan media outlets.

Stay tuned for part two of this scintillating two part series. Disaster and idiocy will abound.

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